Community, Family Life & the 10 Commandments by Phil Tiews
/Over the last decade or so we have entered into a new reality in community life. The nuclear family has blossomed into the extended family, even the overlapping extended family, or clan, as the second generation of community folks have sometimes married one another and started having children of their own. The ‘grandkid’ link ties those first generation folks together with family-, as well as community-ties. Some of us are also being called upon to care for aging parents or relatives, drawing us into deeper relationship with the ‘pre-first’ generation! This is a wonderful development. In the past we have invested in building intentional community together in no small part because of the loss of more natural community in our culture. Now we are experiencing the most natural of community structures, the extended family, growing up right in our midst. What a blessing! What a multiplication of dinners, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, exchange of life on every level through these family networks.
Ah, but there lies a bit of a rub. ‘Natural community’ competes with ‘intentional community’ for time, energy, resources. In the early days of our community we resolved this potential conflict by largely withholding ourselves from investment in our families of origin. As we were building a new set of relationships together rooted in Christ, participation in community activities almost always took precedence. We have become far less intense in our time commitment over the years, of course, but the number of places where community and family intersect has actually increased with the emergence of interwoven family connections. There might be less community ‘stuff’, but there is a lot more family ‘stuff’!
What do we make of this and how can we walk out this new reality fruitfully? I am sure that the Lord has a lot to show us still, but here are a couple of thoughts. Let’s keep seeking the Lord and talking about this together:
1. Family is very important to God & it must be to us
Family is important enough to God that it makes it into the ‘Top Ten’ of his commandments. Ephesians 3 speaks of every family on earth being connected to the Fatherhood of God. Much can be said on this point, but it is clear that there is a significant, holy, spiritual reality about family. As a community we must not disparage or diminish family by viewing it as ‘competition’ to ‘real’ community. We should find ways to encourage and build up families as they seek to understand how to engage with God.
2. Family is not and end in itself but is part of the fabric of the Kingdom
Just as we as individuals are called to ‘lay down our lives, take up our cross and follow’ when we enter into being disciples of Jesus, so families do not exist solely for their own benefit but must lay down their (corporate) life, take up their cross, and follow. It is the wonderful pastoral challenge of ‘patriarchs & matriarchs’ to instill this Gospel ethic into the culture of their families. We have plenty of models and experience with fleshly or worldly extended family life. Let’s help one another grow into a Kingdom-centered culture of extended family life. Hopefully this is a place the rest of the community can provide support and encouragement.
3. There is a powerful mission / Kingdom potential in community-embedded extended families
Family life is in tatters in American culture. This has not gotten better in the 40 years we have been together, it has gotten far worse. The witness of healthy, Christ-centered extended families who are not living for themselves but are engaged with God’s broader people can be huge. One response people in the culture make to the family fiasco is to try to ‘cocoon’, to draw Mom, Dad and 1.75 children into an isolated family haven. This is doomed. Interacting with vital family networks that which also have living connection to others can give a whole new vision and provide a place of life to emerge from the cocoon.
In addition, in almost all our extended family networks, there are those who are not walking with Christ, or who do not really have him at the center of their lives. Healthy, loving connections to their broader family which has an authentic Christ-centered culture provide a bridge ‘back home’ for these loved ones. Sometimes, though, they need interaction with someone outside their immediate family, but who knows and loves both them and their family. This is where the community connection can help with the mission to the extended family’s skeptical members.
These are just a few thoughts, and many of you, especially those in our ‘clans’, probably have more. The bottom line is that we should embrace this new era that the Lord has brought us into, viewing it from a broad Kingdom perspective, not as a ‘problem’ it raises for ‘our way of doing things’. God is restoring something to his people – extended families in mutual partnership with broader community life sharing together in the Kingdom mission to reconcile the world to himself. Challenging, exciting, wonderful.
Years ago I used to work as a repair man at a local apartment complex. When I first started, the lunchroom talk was often vulgar and profanity-laced. It was pretty uncomfortable for me. On a couple of occasions I said something like ‘I’m not interested’ to an inquiry, but mainly I tried to ignore what was objectionable or change the topic and just be myself. I didn’t preach to anyone. After the guys got to know me and I had been there a while I noticed that the discussion often changed when I came in the room and sometimes someone would apologize to me for a comment – often half-jokingly, but an apology nonetheless.
What I was experiencing was not conversion or transferal from the kingdom of darkness to the Kingdom of God, but I would call it an example of the ‘infusion’ of the Kingdom of God. You may have made ‘sun tea’ at some time. You put a tea bag in a jar of water and put it out in the sun. Slowly the tea leaches out into the water and with the solar influence it begins to infuse the whole jar. You can see treads and streams of the tea spreading out in the early stages. Eventually the whole jar is tea!
A joyful thing, recognizing people as they wrestle their way through the red metal door of the Chalet at FaHoLo conference and retreat center, gaze around the room and ‘check in’. Some I saw only last week at a prayer meeting. Others self-identify that they “haven’t been around much lately,” which isn’t to say they have abandoned Kingdom territory or put down their spiritual weapons. In addition to a gently-aging population, there were children and babies, young families, a few people we got to meet perhaps for the first time, and two venerable seniors, Winslow Fox and Bren Quilter.
What about the people whose names I never checked off? Well, I missed them. And, I missed the people who weren’t on the pre-registration list. It was a very full weekend of wonderful things to do; some of us were doing other things. I trust you had a good time wherever you were, but you were missed. I especially missed our friends Terry Johnson, Mary Quilter, and Elizabeth Fox who were with us in recent years, are now gone to their eternal home, God rest their souls.
Its summer and a lot of us will go fishing, or at least that is what we call it! Maybe it is just a good excuse to sit quietly and enjoy the sun and water – hoping we don’t actually catch anything that we will have to clean.
Whether you are a serious fisher or a serious lounger, you have possibly fished with a float or bobber at some time, that little red and white ball you attach to your line which floats on the surface. When a fish strikes your bait the ball ‘bobs’ down, you know you have caught something and you go into action, pulling on your rod.
Community Service Night
I recently had a unique opportunity to be an adult observer at Pine Hills Boys Camp. Late last year, my son (now entering 7th grade) expressed an interest in attending Pine Hills after hearing about the fun time a friend had there last summer. We wanted him to be able to participate in this experience, but because of dietary restrictions the only way he could attend would be if Dad went along to help with his food. Thus, I became the oldest ‘camper’ at Pine Hills this year and had the opportunity to watch the boys immerse themselves in the Pine Hills experience. And what I saw made me glad my son was able to be there.
Here is a taste of what I observed:


Community Life Night
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Giving Everyone a Chance to Hear – and to experience- God’s love in Southeast Michigan is the goal of EACH. It really amounts to the Church being the Church, witnessing in word and deed to God’s saving work in Jesus Christ. And a lot is happening. The 530+ churches and ministries involved in EACH have been telling their 2WordStories, tens of thousands of folks have come to the 2WordStory.com site, there have been medical clinics and resource fairs, site clean-ups, and even 
20,000 people crowded outside Comerica Park in downtown Detroit, but they weren’t waiting for the Tigers to play. There were there to pray for the Lion to roar!
Saturday April 16, the day before Christians celebrate Jesus’ triumphal entry into Jerusalem, people from all over Southeast Michigan gathered in Detroit to cry out for the Lion of Judah to enter and heal our region. They came from city and suburb, from different races, and from different denominations, but they came together with one heart. Everyone A Chance to Hear (EACH) had united them in a common vision to pray for our region, to share the good news, and to express the Gospel in good deeds over the 40 days after Easter. Now was the time to root the campaign in prayer with one voice.
The day didn’t start out promisingly. It was pouring down rain. This was particularly ironic because Chuck Gaidica, the weatherman for Channel 4 TV, was the moving force behind the prayer walk! As a sign of blessing, though, God the true Weatherman, caused the rain to stop and the sun to break out just as worship began that morning. The rain held off during the whole prayer walk down Woodward to Hart Plaza and back, and then began again afterward. There has been a sense of the Spirit moving as EACH has developed from a handful of churches to over 500, and this seemed to be a further confirmation that the Lord wants to visit Detroit and Southeast Michigan at this time.
What is EACH and why would we want to get involved?